Embrace Yourself to Behavior Self

I care too much

One of the most dreaded questions of many interviews is “what’s your greatest flaw”. The typical response usually involves some kind of strength disguised as a flaw so as to show that even in your darkest depths you are still an entirely efficient, effective, patient, kind and productive person. The response I have heard time and again is “I care too much” or “I work too hard” or “I don’t know when something is good enough”. Rarely does anyone feel emboldened to say “I have a short temper” or “I am easily offended” or “I like to eat tuna sandwiches”. 

Better than

Part of this hesitance to be honest stems from the incredibly competitive job climate that exists around most of us. We are groomed from a young age to show only our best sides, convince others that we are as good as, nay, better than our neighbor, classmate, or colleague. Admitting our weaknesses is the exact opposite of what we have been trained to do and being asked to do so feels entirely disorienting. It raises the question whether it is even useful to ask about flaws during a job interview when we have been conditioned to our core never to reveal these delicate truths.

Job interviews aside, it is remarkable how many of us have trouble thinking about and openly talking about our biggest flaws. This is not to say that we are all confident go-getters who are eternally self-driven and motivated. Many of us are affected if not nearly crippled by self-doubt and worries about our perceived inadequacy. And yet, it is difficult for us to put into words the things we feel hamper us most. 

Less than

Often we defer to physical attributes to describe our weaknesses (e.g., “I’m too thin/fat/muscular/flabby/tall/short/light/dark/purple dotted”). This tendency occurs for several sociocultural reasons, one of which is that we have learned to measure our adequacy by our looks (the commercial fashion, fitness, and makeup industries bank on this). But we also tend to defer to our appearance because perhaps in a way it feels safer to discuss what is obvious to all than what is readily hidden: our self. 

If we were to ask ourselves what our greatest flaw was, what we feel gets in the way of realizing our truest selves, what would we say? Would we be able to pinpoint one thing? Would our minds be so filled with repressed self-doubt and fear that we would not be able to utter a single coherent thought? 

I care

With acknowledgment comes understanding, and with understanding comes development. To help ourselves be ourselves, we must understand and acknowledge all of ourselves. Yes, even all those dark and ugly parts of ourselves that we have learned to hide behind all the trophies and ribbons. Even the nasty aspects that could make us unwantable. Let’s uncover them. Because we all have them. We may as well uncover them together. 

Even though our culture has systemically taught us to hide this important part of ourselves, we need it to grow. To behave ourselves. The next time you find yourself in a safe and supportive environment, try it out. Ask the person sitting with you if they are comfortable hearing you out. Then invite them to share. You would be surprised (or would you?) how freeing it can be to realize your full self by embracing your full self.