Behavior Self: The Ethologist Realized

Behave yourself

During my doctoral studies, riding a bus from the airport back to my lab I was deep in thought about my desire to have children, to create humans, to love and to hold a tiny being and provide the scaffolding for them to grow into the people they want to be. As I pondered all the core developmental and behaviorist principles I would use to parent my offspring, I remembered a phrase I had heard so many times: Behave yourself! A command that demands discipline and order, typically of children. And yet, taken literally, the command itself seems to be encouraging the exact opposite. Telling a child to behave themselves could mean a plethora of things depending on the child, their mood, temperament, experiences, sensitivity and perception of the world, and on the person commanding them. Colloquially, however, we all know what it means: STOP doing what you're doing, and behave according to an external set of expectations and standards. It has, in fact, nothing to do with being or behaving like oneself, and all to do with behaving like someone else.

Question yourself

I started wondering: What is the self, and how can we behave it?

Theorists and practitioners debate whether there is an actual sense of self, when it is achieved, and by whom. Animal behaviorists interested in self and consciousness have used mirror and deceit experiments to test theories of self and others, with interesting results. Developmental psychologists commonly utilize eye-tracking experiments to test awareness of self and others in babies, drawing an intriguing developmental picture. Studies looking at children and adults have garnered amazing insight, but it is important to recognize that the language used to describe the tasks necessary is rooted in a societal assumption that a self exists and is present (e.g., pronouns) and is thus immediately confounding. 

Realize yourself

Assuming that our language and societal beliefs are based in some relative truth, and a self exists, what is its purpose? Growing up, I distinctly remember the day I understood that there was a way I was currently, and the way I wanted to be. The way I wanted to be was nurturing, helpful, loyal, and kind. The way I was at the time was disobedient, oppositional, and a little mean-spirited (can you guess how old I was? That’s right, I was 12 - a blossoming teenager). From that day on, I would have frequent checkins with myself: What did I like about my behavior? What did I want to change? How did I want to see myself? How did others see me, and how did I want them to see me?

Behavior self

I still do this. Every day.

It may be a little obsessive (possibly another trait to check in with myself about) but it allows me to keep growing as an individual, to continuously redefine and reinvent myself. Using behavioral cues from myself and others regarding my interactions with my world, I allow myself and my surroundings to shape me into the person I want to be. In the tech world, there is a beautifully simple term to describe this type of flexibility: behavior-driven development. My effort to use behaviors to drive my development is what I consider my sense of self.

Who knows though. It may be different tomorrow.